Father’s Day
June 21, 2020 6PM

This is an easier thing for me to discuss than Mother’s Day for several reasons. One, I am a father, and am constantly trying to be aware of the effects I have on my children. Plus, I have a father that I respect immensely - a man that I am proud to model myself after. But also because as a man, we are taught to respect our fathers - that respect seems more formal, and even more manly at times, than the affection and emotion we might have in our relationship with our mothers. I want Mom to accept me, but I want Dad to have pride in me.

Parents are set apart in the very beginning, even though throughout much of history fathers have been viewed as somewhat outside the child relationship except at critical points.

“‘Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which the Lord your God gives you'” (Exodus 20:12).

It is a command with promise. Give honor to your parents, and you will be a person whose life will be a quality existence. It is fitting that we celebrate Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, because it causes us to set aside other things and consider what it means to honor our parents.

The reason God includes this in his commands is that it runs against our human nature. Our tendency is to fight authority, whether it be the authority of God or the authority of our parents. We want to be free. We want to do our thing. And for men, as much as we may want to be like our fathers, we also have this innate need to break away and establish something for ourselves.

I read a piece called “Father.” This is a very good representation of our relationships with our Dads - provided you were lucky enough to have a healthy relationship with your father.

4 Years: My daddy can do anything.

7 Years: My dad knows a lot, a whole lot.

8 Years: My father doesn’t quite know everything.

12 Years: Oh well, naturally Father doesn’t know everything.

14 Years: Father? Hopelessly old-fashioned.

21 Years: Oh that man is out of date. What did you expect?

25 Years: He knows a little bit about it, but not much.

30 Years: Must find out what Dad thinks about it.

35 Years: A little patience, let’s get Dad’s meaning first.

50 Years: What would Dad have thought about it?

60 Years: My dad knew literally everything.

65 Years: I wish I could talk it over with Dad once more.

We are a society searching for a model father.

This is only the truth for a part of the population. I know that I am very fortunate to have had the relationship I had with my father. I mentioned last Sunday that my dad affirmed my calling into ministry, and that his affirmation is something that I will keep with me forever. But what if you never knew your father, or lost your father, or had a father you wish you hadn’t known?

Our fathers have the ability to affect us far deeper than we often realize. We live in a world where we see the effects of absentee fatherhood, as well as overbearing fatherhood. Like our mothers, our dads help to shape who we become as we grow. We will be profoundly impacted by the words and actions of both of our parents when we ourselves become parents, seeing the patterns, both good and bad, that we brought with us from our own childhoods.

As Christians, this can cause significant issues with our spiritual lives. We are taught that God is our heavenly father - and the Bible is full of imagery of God as this father figure who embraces us as children. But how do we respond when that image of a father embracing us is a negative one? How can we get past the failings of our earthly fathers in order to have a real relationship with the Heavenly Father?

Jesus gives us a great example of what the Father/child relationship was designed to be in Luke 15. In the parable of the Prodigal Son, we see this dynamic played out, though we usually look at it from the perspective of the son who ventured on his own. It can be easy to miss the beauty of the story when seen through the father’s eyes, and yet, this was the point of the story all along. Jesus paints a picture of the reality of God as our father - and it is beyond what we imagine.

Here we have the father, interacting with his sons in a way which gives insight to you and me of how to be model fathers and, in a broader sense, model parents.

• The model father teaches the truth from infancy up.

The father is successful to the degree that he has a strong working household, servants, and has inspired his sons to follow in his footsteps until now. We see that not only has this man taught his sons a mode of conduct, but he lives that mode of conduct in their presence - he leads by example.

• The model father has respect for individuality

When the son came to him demanding his inheritance, he could have said no. He could have asked why he couldn’t be like his older brother. He could have explained how much more he would have if he waited. Instead, he stood by the teachings and modelings the boy had seen since he was young. He recognized his own history with his father and his sibling rivalries - remembering times in his life when he learned his own lessons as the prodigal. He trusted in the truth that he had taught his boys.

• The model father won’t stand in the way of consequences.

This man had resources, and he could have had one of his people keep watch on the boy, protecting him without his knowledge. Yet while that may have been effective when he was a small boy, he knows that he cannot rescue his son prematurely. ALthough his heart breaks, he has to allow the world to teach the lessons that he cannot, hopefully turning him back to the truth of his father.

• The model father has a love that refuses to give up.

Most of us have a threshold of nonsense. We will only put up with so much - patient to a point. The fact is that our children have the ability to leave and not come back - we cannot force them to honor us. But the biggest tragedy in the family relationship is when a parent gives up on their child. We are called to faithfulness - a faithfulness that has us standing watch for the return of our child, no matter where they have been or how long they have been gone. A faithfulness that has us run to them - meet them with an embrace, and show them the love they have been missing.

Sometimes the rebellion is of our own making - If so, we need to make our overtures. Perhaps a phone call or a letter that says, “I’m sorry. Forgive me for what I said. I love you. I want a restored relationship with you.” I am talking about an initiative that frees the young person to accept it or not accept it.

• The model father is forgiving

The son gives the speech he has carefully prepared, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son.” The father doesn’t linger even a minute over the son’s acknowledged sinfulness and unworthiness. He is not interested in saying, “I told you so!” Instead, he is overwhelmed with a joy that floods through his system. He can do nothing but rejoice.

We don’t know the end of the story. We do know that the other son got angry. The father had to live with that anger. The other son viewed this as unfair. He wasn’t the least bit interested in being part of the celebration.

Jesus had a very interesting way of bringing this story to a conclusion. It ends with the father’s response to the elder brother’s sneering accusation that there had never been a party for him but that this no-good brother who had devoured the father’s hard-earned money with harlots ends up getting the fatted calf killed in his honor.

What’s the father’s response? He acknowledges the faithfulness of the older brother. He makes no demands for performance on the younger brother. Life goes on.

None of us knows the future, do we? Being a father, being a mother has no sealed and signed guarantees. We are called to live with the ambiguity which is built into relationships. The model father accepts this as a fact of life and moves on, faithfully doing and being what God has called him to do and be, no matter what the significant others in his life choose to do and be.

Our final reward isn’t the privilege of sitting back and saying, “Wasn’t I a good father?” Granted, we’ll have some joys that come from the hoped-for friendship with our children. But the final reward will be when the real model father, God himself, looks us in the eye and says, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant. Enter into your eternal rest.”

Remember that the model is God. You and I are not God. We are not perfect. The key is that I am willing to say, “I am sorry,” when I am wrong. The key is that I am willing to stand by the children God has given to me when they are wrong.