Father’s Day
6/19/22

We live in a very weird time. I went back and looked at the things I’ve said each Father’s Day, and I can see from year to year what the general opinion of Fathers - or men in general - is with politicians and activists. There used to be a time where all people could garner respect, even though it had become so much more difficult for women. When I was growing up, coaches toldus to do things like “Be a man” or “man up” - everything was about toughness. When you got hurt you rubbed some dirt on it, took a salt tablet, and you walked it off. You manned up.

Nowadays, half of what I just said is considered insensitive and insulting. Somebody came up with some dumb social media era terms like toxic masculinity and “mansplaining” where - between those two turms, there is nothing that a man can say or do that is appropriate anymore. But you all know that I am not here to talk out equality or sexism of any type. What I want to do is encourage the fathers, grandfathers, uncles, brothers, great grandfathers, even honorary male family members here - I want to encourage men. 

I am going to be honest - it is still very easy for men to be men in society. Despite all of the push against masculinity and the talks about equal rights that are not entirely equal, the fact remains that we still live in a paternalistic society - men run the show. We make more money, we tend to garner more respect without necessarily having to earn it first, and we are expected to be the leaders and protectors. But what we see happening is all of the things that used to make a man a man - the things we used to teach our boys about being men, these things are presenting less and less value in society. We are lucky here in the midwest - we do not see it as much as in other places, but it’s coming, and we need to understand what Christian manliness needs to look like when manliness is no longer acceptable.

I remember before Bill Cosby did what he is said to have done, in his comedy he talked about raising a son among 4 daughters. He said raising the boy was easy - he’d take him out back, point him at a tree, and tell him to attack it. Physical strength and athleticism were greatly valued in young boys as they grew. But then, we started to take away competition when it came to sports. No longer did we keep records and have championship teams. Soon everyone got a trophy as long as you showed up. Then they just stopped keeping score. It didn’t matter if you were the best because we could no longer use words like winner or loser or best.

Next we were told that it didn’t matter who we dated - girls, boys, whatever. In fact, should you be homosexual, not only is that OK, but we will celebrate it specifically because of the courage it takes to be yourself. From there, we were taught that our gender - male and female, the way God created us - that’s a fluid thing too. You are whatever you decide you want to be, and your right to decide is more important than thousands of years of scientific study.

I am not here to argue about gender or sexuality, but only to point out that as a society, we cannot define what a man is supposed to be anymore. And if we cannot define a man, how do we know how to define a father? There are a lot of people who grow up without father figures in their lives that turn out to be great fathers themselves - how do we do that? Could it be that being a good father has more to do with the individual and less to do with society’s expectations? How long before we stop celebrating both Mother’s Day and Father’s day because of their cultural insensitivity?

I bring all of this up because I want to point out the confusion around what it means to be a father, or at least a father figure today. It’s confusing because what it means to be a father today will mean something totally different tomorrow, and it already means something totally different than it did yesterday.

I can tell you one difficulty about being a father is that besides our own confusion, the world doesn’t know what to expect from us anymore either. Are we supposed to take a back seat in decision-making, or are we supposed to be superman and have all the answers? Is it something in between? Is it ok for us to have emotions or does that make us weak? Do we take an active role in the lives of our kids or are we being abusive and overbearing? Who do we go to when we need help? Are we allowed to need help?

SO let’s clear up some confusion for dad. If we want to know we are being the best father figures that we can be, our focus needs to be on Godliness, not on manliness. Our concern needs to be who we are as children of God before we worry about being fathers. Last year I spoke about what it means to be a Godly father, and I want to reiterate that this year, because it is still key regardless of the confusion about what a man should or should not be in our society,

1. A Godly father loves God, and it is obvious

A dad has the responsibility of teaching his children - even long after they are no longer children. We learn the most by what we see modeled in a person rather than what they say, so a Godly father follows the commands or Matthew 6:33 - “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all of these things will be added unto you.” This Godly father will recognize that his help comes from the Lord and not from himself.

A father’s relationship with God is key. If you do not have a right relationship with God - the author of all relationships and the model for how we should relate to each other - it is futile to think we will have solid relationships with others. This Godly father will spend time with God, and his Kids will see it in him.

1. A Godly Father Loves his Wife, and it is obvious

Too many men believe that love is, at its essence, sex. While that certainly is a part of the expression of love it is not all, or even most of what love entails. Ephesians 5 tells us exactly what it means to love our wives - real love seeks to meet all of the needs of another person - even when it is not convenient for you.

Romance does not make you less of a man. Open the car door, pull out her chair at dinner, hold her hands and help her make dinner. Your wife’s love language is likely different from your own. Learn to speak it and learn to understand it.

Your sons are learning from you how they should treat ladies. Your daughters are learning from you how they should be treated, and they are often told that they are forever secondary to men. One day their marriage relationship will in no small way reflect the one they grew up in.

1. A Godly father loves his children, and it is obvious

Love is more than simply providing their survival. Do not miss your child’s childhood - there is no second chance at childhood. However, when discipline is required, a father must do it, but he must do it in love. Colossians 3:21 warns us not to provoke your children lest they become discouraged. At the heart of that is the truth that we are to encourage our kids rather than tear them down. But in that encouragement we must teach them the right path - we must, but with love and not anger. Our children must learn from us.

The greatest way to show your children love? Spend time with them. Spend time that is about them and not about whatever you are multitasking. Whether you are talking or just sitting together or working on the teardown of a motor or doing their homework - your kids love you, and they want you to love them. Time with them shows them that they matter more than anything else. 

1. A godly man is a man of integrity, and it defines his dealings with others

A man has to be who he is - when he begins to behave differently depending on where he is, problems arise of all sorts. Yet, what is the example we have of men taking positions of authority? “Integrity” has become almost a forgotten word. The highest elected office in our land is tainted with the smell of corruption and the president himself has a notorious reputation as a liar - regardless of who is in the oval office.

A member of the president’s cabinet commits suicide rather than face scrutiny for his financial dealings. Whitewater used to mean a good place to go canoeing instead of a political sewer. We are called to rise above that and be men of integrity. It should permeate every area of our lives. In the workplace; an honest day’s toil, in the home; fulfilled promises, in personal business; prompt payment of obligations, in other relationships; commitment to fulfill my commitments. My father is a man of integrity, and I benefitted more than I could ever describe as I gained much of my ethical ground from him.

1. Finally, a Godly father shapes our vision of the Heavenly Father.

The image of a father nowadays is not always a good one. Over half the children in America grow up without a father in the home. Often abandoned by their father or the father is maligned. Sexual abuse by the father is on the rise. Then, we tell the children that God is their Heavenly Father! Small wonder that they are afraid of Him. God help us! Dad, you are shaping your child’s concept of his/her Heavenly Father. They see him through the lens of who you are to them!

A pastor friend of ours posted something on Facebook a few months ago that I want to read as we close, because it makes the point I want to make here about being a dad.